Conflict resolution within our staff

Addressing Sin

The easiest way to foster receptivity to correction is to seek it yourself often. Humble yourself and ask for critique, modeling what you would like to see when you give it. Especially in a young church, we tend to be overly quick to call something sin, or overly cowardly to never address it. We need a convictional kindness that is both brave and unassuming to practice this well. These are some thoughts to consider when you're considering giving feedback and correction to someone.

Ask questions, don't make statements! Spend your time investigating someone's heart motivation rather than assuming what their motivation was. We often are mistaken in our presumptions, and often cowardly to ask clarifying questions.
Be thoughtful and patient about your correction. Fight to believe "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
When in doubt, give it time and distance.

If you believe someone is definitively in sin, here are some guidelines for approaching them:

Do not assume heart motivations, but point out the behavior contrary to Scripture and ask questions.
If you have a specific Scripture in mind, that's a good time to correct. If not, then take the time to search the Scriptures before you do.
As an operating principle, when in conflict, assume sin in you and grace in the other.

Clarifying Culture

Sometimes there are things that aren't sin, but still need to be corrected to cultivate a healthy culture in whatever environment we are in. For instance, it may not be sin for someone to wear ripped up jeans to meet with a business professional, but it isn't helping them earn respect. Here are some thoughts on how to approach constructive feedback.

Be clear about the culture we are trying to create, and communicate it often.
Correct when you have a specific behavior that is inconsistent with our culture.
Be explicit, give your reasoning, then ask for understanding.
Be clear that it's not sin, it just isn't consistent with our desired culture.

Communicating Preference

Often we have strong preferences about how others should do things, and most often we presume sin in someone when it's really just one of our own preferences.

Communicate preferences through charity, not through correction. Use phrases like "this would really help me feel loved if..." or "I know I'm crazy for this, but I struggle when..."
Initiate conversation after you have processed through your own heart and preferences.
Invite the person to help serve you through avoiding things that are your preference.
Ask for grace from the other person!

Consider who you are correcting

Last, consider the person you want to correct, and how they will be receive your words. We must be aware that we are indeed brothers and sisters in Christ, but we are also in a place with legitimate spiritual authority and employment relationships.

Correcting Upward

If you would like to give feedback or correction to your supervisor or another person in authority, in principle it is good to utilize questions rather than statements. Also, we recommend utilizing inclusive words: "Help me understand why we're…" or “I’m not sure we’re on the same page about…”.

Correcting Peers

When working with your peers on staff, it’s important to dialogue through feelings and facts, and own your potential misunderstanding. Think about using phrases like "I may be off on this, but…" or “I’ve felt like this in certain circumstances, and I wanted to suggest to you…”

Correcting Those You Lead

When correcting those you lead, it’s important to be direct and clear with your correction, and whether you are correcting sin, culture or preference. Use phrases like "I know you probably didn't mean it this way, but…" and “when you did this it caused…”. We want to be a community known for words of exhortation and correction, so in all things fight to give and receive correction with a humble heart!